Funny Quotes From a Famous Book

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Quotes tagged as "funny-book-quotes" Showing 1-30 of 69

"(If plan KTB kill the bastard) didn't work, well, gray would resort to Plan B: Operation Oh Sh**"
― Gena Showalter, Jewel of Atlantis

"If you want to find out if someone is a true bookworm or not, give them a thousand page novel and see what happens."
― E.A. Bucchianeri

"A book can give you an experience of someone's life in a few hours, and this is far more profitable than any sale that's going on."
― Neeraj Agnihotri, In The Name Of Blasphemy

"Dogs are angels full of poop."
― Oliver Gaspirtz, Pet Humor!

"Men know that most women want to have an emotional connection with someone before they sleep with them. Men know that a lot of women think it's romantic to be friends first, and then the friendship blossoms into a relationship. Men know that they have to jump through all these hoops first, before they can get laid. And that's really all romance and courtship is to a man: hoops he has to jump through to get laid."
― Oliver Markus, Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends

"You know why horror-movie characters always get killed? Because they've never seen horror movies. They don't know how it works. Right? But we do. So no one go into the basement alone. No one go screaming off into the woods alone. No one has any sex."
― Carrie Vaughn, Kitty's House of Horrors

"...but Tact and Sensitivity were not Gobber's strong points, and he took the first five minutes to come up with "Hiccup copped it. SORRY," and the spent the second five minutes tearing his beard out."
― Cressida Cowell

"For some reason riding a caffeinated dragon just sounded like a monumentally bad idea."
― A.J. Sky, Starstorm

"Sadly for you, I think I'm going to live, Simi. You can stop slapping me now. I've already lost enough sense. Can't afford to lose any more brain cells. I really really need my last three before I forget how to spell my name. It's hard enough to pronounce." Nick
"well, poo. Not poo that you'll live, 'cause the Simi would probably miss you if you died, but poo that I'll miss all that good old salty boy meat. Though we needs be fatting you up some to make you really good eats. Hmmm." Simi"
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Instinct

"Oh for Christ sakes. Ay carrumba, chimichanga. I have no idea what you're saying, but shut your pretty pie hole."
― Cristin Harber, Savage Secrets

"Someone once said writing and gardening are similar pursuits. Tell you what, I'd have one fucked up garden if that were the case."
― Carla H. Krueger

"And so the cycle of innocence found, lost, found again, and finally

lost is complete. Just as a peanut is neither a pea nor a nut… and a thighmaster is neither a thigh nor a master… so our hero learned that

Netflix and Chill means neither Netflix nor Chill.

And if you're just learning this for the first time, welcome to the end of your innocence."
― Philip Rivera, Suburban Luchador: Memoirs From Suburbia

"Holy hell, did she love her a good dimple. And this one was deadly.
She needed to get him to stop smiling. Now."
― Jami Gold, Ironclad Devotion

"The room they had reached served as an impromptu drug-lounge in which a hundred naked addicts engaged in communal sex. One of them drew nearer and spontaneously relieved himself all over Aurora's shoes.

'You're welcome,' the addict said proudly, buttoning up his soiled jeans and walking away like a champ.

A nearby woman saw the whole thing and smirked. 'You're one lucky lady, you know that?' she smiled toothlessly. The remnants of today's orgy were still visible in her mouth. 'I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire."
― Louise Blackwick, 5 Stars

"You belong in an insane asylum, you know that?"
"Maybe my next case..."
― R.R. Virdi, Grave Beginnings

"It was if the devil himself had devised the perfect earthly torture for Lady Alicia Lawrence. "Now how will I occupy myself when I get to hell?"
― Celeste Bradley, Seducing the Spy

"Erroh has a plan. A simple plan. It'll never work."
― Robert J. Power, Spark City

"She wasn't impressed with either his determination or the muscles rippling under his T-shirt. At all.
She was also a liar. (Elaina)"
― Jami Gold, Treasured Claim

"Something fell and George was off, barking like a mad dog. What if whoever is back there hurts him?
Oh. My. Goodness. If I do die, I can do so happily now. That man's eyes were so blue—and I swore they changed color.
"I made a huge mistake," Jake said as he took the leash off of George. "I said p-i-z-z-a out loud. And he took off at a fast jog all the way back here from the park right through Ms. Helen's sprinklers down the street."
And then nothing…no words entered my brain. I sniffed and quickly nodded, like I was about to cry. "Okay. Right. Amen."
Then I forced myself to slow down and not run back to my seat."
― Candace Havens, A Case for the Yarn Maker

"How are you feeling?"
"Like I fell out a burning building onto pavement, you?" I grumbled.
"Like I was pushed out of a burning building by a maniac," she retorted, a small smile playing across her face."
― R.R. Virdi, Grave Beginnings

"Roaches should never trust humans. We're all doomed."
― La Tisha Honor

"Oh no?" he sneered, pulling a packet of cigarettes from his pocket and lighting one up. "Knowing what you're like, the slightest sign of a discarded cigarette butt and you would've been crawling around on your hands and knees trying to figure out how tall the smoker was, how old he was, what zodiac sign he was, whether he'd taken a crap that morning, and Christ knows what else."
― Tim O'Rourke, Vampire Wake

"She took a step toward him. "You? Mr. Sexy Ass Bad Boy Extraordinaire. A virgin. And you expect me to believe that?"
― Jami Gold, Pure Sacrifice

"Leon went to show his Coven insignia to prove he was a member but had a wicked thought slither into his brain. A wildly crazy smile coiled on his lips as he skillfully kept the silver emblem from sight. He thumbed back at the door. "You know how girls are. Make one joke about the size of their thighs, and it's out the door with you."
― Nia Rose, Spellbound & Hellhounds

"We would love it if you would join us for lunch to discuss amputations! We love amputations. And firefighters at MetroGen. Anyone else coming?

Cassie inviting firefighters to join the bachelorette party for lunch"
― Carina Alyce, Roulette

"I was in no position to make decisions. But something inside of me screamed to live my life and I was pretty sure it was the alcohol."
― Laura C. Reden, The Kindred Soul of Nora Faye

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Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/funny-book-quotes

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